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FAKE APOLOGIES...are the worst!!

10/26/2021

It seems to me, today, that we're suffering from a societal "empathy crisis" and seem to be comfortable avoiding responsibility for hurting others. Have we lost the ability to "feel" what others are feeling...to sincerely apologize? Have you come face-to-face with a fake apologizer?

Virtually all research on empathy, ego, and apologies conclude that it takes real strength to accept responsibility and accountability for the hurt that you
cause others. It's also a sign of real maturity and good character.

What does a responsibility-taking apology sound like?

"I'm sorry that I hurt you. I shouldn't have done that."

"I'm sorry that I hurt you. I shouldn't have done that. What can I do to make things right?"

"I apologize for hurting you. That's was the last thing I wanted to do. Please, tell me what I can do."

"I hurt you. I made a big mistake and I sincerely apologize...and hope I can earn your forgiveness.

But, sadly, there are those who can't take responsibility, admit fault for their actions, and apologize sincerely. Ego and shame get in the way. The admission of wrongdoing is an assault on their ego and a pain they can't tolerate.

The best way to understand a good apology is to look at THE WORST apologies:

"13 Fake Apologies Used By Narcissists"
Psychology Today

And.....more (from TED) on why some people can't apologize!!

Have you been at the wrong end of a fake apology?

Dismissed!

GH

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Happy New Year, Kids

12/31/2019

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As you celebrate the upcoming new year, I'm sorry I'm not with you.

But, as you celebrate the new year without me, my hope is that you'll find the new year filled with love...love from family, love from friends (old and new), love from sisters and brothers, and the love from strangers on the street.

You all deserve love. You deserve people to cheer for you and your successes (tiny and large). You deserve someone to cheer for you for your new job, your promotion, your sale...your homemade pizza, your new personal best in ANYTHING.

In fact, you deserve someone to cheer for you JUST for being YOU...someone to accept you for all your human imperfections.

You deserve people to be next to you when you stumble...not to tell you how NOT to stumble, again...but to feel your pain. And, you deserve people to cheer you when you get back to standing, again.

"Cheer" is for the little things...which add up to a life full of happiness. Without cheer and celebration, what is life...a checklist of "things to do".

Look for reasons to celebrate. Life is much more than simply "getting the job done", completing the next task, doing what others "expect" you to do.

Life, to me, is about an imperfect heart and soul. And, the more you share your whole imperfect heart and soul with others, the more you'll find someone who wants to share it (and theirs) with you.

You are beautiful inside and out. I know it.

Give your light. Share your light. Be the light for others...and the light will shine on you.

Lastly, there's no need to dim the candles of others in order to have yours shine brighter. And, there's no need hide your whole light from another who appreciates the whole light. And, you don't have to have the brightest light to love or be loved.

Fill your hearts with love and love will find you.

Happy HEALTHY New Year!

Love,

Dad

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A Wish for My Kids

2/8/2019

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My dearest children,

Life is NOT always easy. But, ultimately, your happiness (my wish for you) will come from how YOU feel about yourselves...when you're alone.

At the end of one's life, in one's last days, no one looks back wishing they had worked more, had a better car, lived in a cooler place, had bigger biceps, better hair, thinner ankles, or made more money. Their regrets (The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying) were regrets of the heart and soul.

But, with a little courage, if you'd like to dive deeper into life (beyond "going through the motions"), I believe you can and will experience a satisfaction and peace that so many seem to desire and/or regret missing in the end.

So, if you do ultimately want to take the plunge into the deep end of this "life thing" (in your journeys ahead), it won't be easy, either. Based on what I've learned (so far) I wish for the four of you the strength and the courage to:

feel, appreciate, and explore ALL your emotions
express your emotions
know anger is usually just hurt, with no place to go
admit when you're hurt
cry in sadness, pain, and joy
cry for and with others
be strong enough to admit weakness
accept being wrong
blame less, understand more
apologize, deeply and sincerely
treat others as you'd like to be treated
treat old folks (now) how you'll want to be treated

...and the courage to:
step out of your "comfort zones"
not feel obligated to "fit in"
"be who you are" (a dying man's advice)
admit your mistakes and forgive yourself
appreciate your scars
know that we're all flawed...just differently
accept others in spite of their flaws
forgive others for their mistakes (big & small)
accept that we ALL make mistakes (small & big)

...and the courage to:
be empathetic, to TRULY "walk in others' shoes"
recognize that there's usually a reason "why"
express gratitude for little things
be kind to the kind and the unkind
offer your last bite
share your last bite
give, simply to make others happy
be generous of heart & soul
find the good in others (even if not obvious)

...and the courage to:
risk ridicule while standing up for a cause
try, in the face of fear
try again, in the face of failure
just plain try
be vulnerable
come out from behind "the wall"
wear your heart on your sleeve
hug
offer hugs to others
look into others' eyes
look into your children's eyes
love wholeheartedly

...and the courage to:
think funny thoughts
be silly in the presence of others
dance alone in a crowd
live beyond lists, tasks, & busyness
live beyond fabricating appearance
not live for a long obituary

...and the courage to:
reflect, ponder, and explore your thoughts
be curious
grow a teeny tiny bit each day
explore the "whole" you
accept the "whole" you
love the "whole" you
share the "whole" you

...and the courage to:
be present, without judgement
hold space for others
find happiness in moments, each day
know, in your heart, that you are "enough"

But, more than anything...it's really just a wish for the four of you to have long, healthy, and whole-hearted happy lives...one day at a time.

Love always,

Dad

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