If you really care about someone's pain/heartache, you CAN help. But, to start the process of truly helping, you must first understand that many of our efforts to relieve other's pain fail. Failed attempts to resolve another's pain usually takes these forms:
Sympathizing - "Yes. That hurts."
Dismissing - "Try to ignore it. Give it time. It'll get better."
Rationalizing - "Well, what did you expect?"
Minimizing - "No biggie. You shouldn't let it bother you."
At-Leasting - "At least it wasn't _______ "
Explaining (away) - "That happens to everybody."
They don't work. And, can make things worse.
So, how can you help? A little dose of empathy can go a long way. Think deeply and find THEIR pain "in you". Share their pain. Be "with" them in THEIR pain.
Just be there. No judgement. No answers. Just be there.
And, very importantly, understand the difference between "sympathy" and "empathy". Empathy is about connection.
Enjoy my favorite animation on empathy vs. sympathy.
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